What is porn addiction?
Excessive or problematic porn use falls under the category of "compulsive behaviors," also known as process addictions. These occur when we experience strong urges to continue participating in an activity despite it causing problems for us. As a result of continued behavior, we suffer a variety of negative side effects, often decreasing our ability to function and reducing our quality of life.
Consuming porn is psychologically rewarding. We may experience a "high" or just a welcome sense of relief. But once it's done, there is guilt, shame, or remorse. These emotions may intensify depending on the consequences we face. When the emotional discomfort becomes too much, we turn to porn again as a way to cope. This is how addiction works.
There are a few behaviors that we know can spiral out of control and cause problems for people. Some of the more commonly reported process addictions are:
Gambling,
Shopping,
Food,
Sex,
Pornography, and
Video games.
Activities like these are okay, and some are even necessary for survival, but they become a problem when they get out of control. When that happens, our physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing may be at risk. We might face undesirable consequences in our work, home, finances, social lives, romantic relationships, and may even run into legal trouble.
What are the signs of porn addiction?
The Internet has made access to sexually explicit material easier than ever. Since internet porn is so freely available and anonymous, it’s incredibly easy to get carried away and overindulge. If left unchecked, we can spiral and lose control.
How do you know if you’re losing control and headed towards a porn addiction?
We’ve put together a list of 12 signs to look out for.
Sign #1 | building a tolerance
The excessive use of porn can lead to changes in the brain similar to those seen in other types of addiction. Changes in the brain's reward system can lead to the development of tolerance. This means that over time, we may need to consume more and more explicit or intense material in order to achieve the same level of pleasure or arousal.
Building a tolerance to porn can lead to desensitization, which can make it more difficult for us to become aroused or experience pleasure from non-pornographic sexual activities.
This can lead to changes in arousal pattern. The type of pornography that used to be enjoyable becomes less appealing. So we look for new, different, or more intense material to increase sexual arousal.
Sign # 2 | increase in frequency
Frequency of use is one of the signs that may be used to identify a potential problem with pornography addiction. Using porn more often, meaning more times a day or week than before. This can also mean watching for longer periods of time, resulting in more minutes or hours spent on it. This may also look like an increase in the amount of sexual content used, such as watching more and more videos in one sitting.
Sign #3 | withdrawal
In addiction, we use the term "withdrawal" to describe the physical and mental effects that come up when suddenly stopping the addictive substance or behavior.
With porn addiction, this could look like:
Cravings: intense urges to view pornographic material or intrusive thoughts about it.
Anxiety & Irritability: Worry about not being able to access pornographic material can lead to anxiety, restlessness, anger, agitation, and irritability.
Depression: Without the rush of the pleasure-inducing chemicals associated with viewing porn, we feel sad and hopeless.
Fatigue: The body get fatigued while learning to adjust to functioning without the constant exposure to the pleasure-inducing chemicals associated with porn.
Difficulty Concentrating: Withdrawal from pornography can make it difficult to focus on tasks and make decisions, as the brain and body continue to adjust to the change.
Increased Appetite: The body may seek out food as another way to stimulate the pleasure centers of the brain.
Porn Substitutes: The brain may seek out a porn substitute to fill the void. This looks like consuming non-pornographic material for sexual purposes, or using content that's not sexually explicit for arousal.
It's important to note that withdrawal symptoms may vary from person to person and may depend on the severity of addiction. Consulting a mental health professional is the best way to diagnose and understand the withdrawal symptoms of any addiction.
Sign #4 | isolating
Isolating from others can be a sign of pornography addiction. Spending excessive amounts of time viewing pornographic material, can lead to a lack of interest in social activities, and a decrease in face-to-face interactions with friends and family.
We may spend more time alone, prioritize porn over other activities, and lose interest in socializing. This could look like declining invitations to social activities, or leaving these events early. We may withdraw from relationships with family, friends, and other sources of support.
Sign #5 | sleep disturbance
Disturbed sleep is another sign of possible porn problem. This can look like difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, poor sleep hygiene, or inconsistent sleep habits. This tends to happen because porn is usually consumed late in the day, in the evening, or at night. When we lose control of our porn habit, we may find ourselves staying up all night consuming the material. Sacrificing sleep to indulge in porn is a big “red flag” of a problem.
Sign # 6 | intrusive thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, unprovoked, repetitive thoughts that play out in our minds. They can be distracting, disturbing, and cause varying amounts of distress.
Intrusive thoughts related to a porn addiction can look like:
Mentally replaying pornographic images or scenes.
Oversexualizing people or situations that come up in daily life.
Daydreaming about what pornographic material you will look for when you get home.
Sign # 7 | neglecting responsibilities
Excessive use of porn can be incredibly time-consuming. Time is finite, so indulging in porn comes at a cost. When porn habits spiral, we end up neglecting personal or professional responsibilities in favor of viewing sexual content instead. This can start small, like using porn as a way to procrastinate on completing non-urgent tasks. However, it may eventually lead to a complete avoidance of attending to critical issues that need to be addressed. For example, ignoring deadlines at work, forgetting to pay bills, or missing important events.
Sign #8 | giving up other pleasurable activities
In addition to neglecting personal responsibilities, we may also find ourselves gradually giving up pleasurable activities as well. The time we used to spend on our other hobbies and interests is no longer available.
Sign #9 | sexual problems
Consuming excessive amounts of pornography can contribute to sexual problems, such as compulsive masturbation, delayed ejaculation and erectile dysfunction.
Commonly reported sexual problems associated with excessive porn use are:
Being more aroused by porn than by sexual activity with a partner.
Loss of attraction to romantic partners.
Prioritizing sex over emotional intimacy or connection.
Losing interest in having sex with a partner.
Reduced sensitivity of the penis.
Unreliable erections during sex.
Losing an erection right before or shortly after penetration.
Needing to fantasize about porn in order to maintain an erection with a partner.
Developing new sexual fetishes.
Becoming alarmed by these fetishes, as novelty and anxiety both increase sexual arousal.
Obsessing about sexual orientation, doubts, and insecurities.
Developing distinct patterns of premature ejaculation. This could stem from a habit of wanting to experience orgasm quickly while watching porn out of fear of getting caught. It may also be caused by a habit of forcing ejaculation while having weak erections.
Sign #10 | risky use
When addiction takes over, rational thought goes out the window. This can lead to viewing pornographic material in risky or inappropriate situations. For instance at work or school, where there are serious consequences of getting caught. Or on the bus, subway, or in another public place. Excessive consumption of pornography can cause us to lose sight of what’s considered appropriate behavior.
Sign #11 | shame, guilt & moral conflict
Our bodies send us emotional signals to communicate important information. For instance, fear may alert us to potential threats. Guilt signals that we did something bad - that our actions go against our moral standards and values. Guilt encourages us to take responsibility for our behavior, to make amends and repair damage. Feeling guilty immediately after watching porn may indicate a moral conflict.
However, shame is a bit different. Shame signals a discrepancy between who we want to be and who we actually are. Instead of an action being bad or wrong, we see ourselves as bad or defective. With shame comes powerlessness. Instead of motivating us into action, shame makes us want to run and hide from the world. Experiencing shame related to porn use may indicate a deeper issue. Shame can be a powerful and painful emotion, one that turns you back to porn.
Sign # 12 | repeated failed attempts to stop or control use
Repeated attempts to change a behavior without success, suggests that there is something deeper going on. Addiction is characterized by an inability to follow through on a desire to stop.
Have you already tried to cut down on how much porn you watch, how often you watch it, or what type of porn you consume?
Failed attempts to make meaningful change signals a loss of control. This can be incredibly frustrating and confusing to experience, but you're not alone. Many people with no history of addiction have developed this relationship with pornography. And many people have gotten better, once they received the appropriate care and resources to do so.
What causes porn addiction?
Developing a problem with porn can be caused by a variety of factors, including psychological factors such as stress, anxiety, or depression; tendency towards avoidance-type coping skills (e.g. procrastination); and easy access to pornography through the internet. It can also be caused by a combination of these factors. Excessive use of porn can lead to changes in the brain that can make it harder to resist the urge to view pornographic material, leading to addiction-like symptoms.
Cause # 1 | brain changes
Porn addiction can be linked to the wiring of our brains. We have natural core drives that motivate us to act in certain ways. We developed these mechanisms to survive, and they're deeply ingrained in our unconscious.
Physiological needs are the most basic of our instinctual drives. Things like food, shelter, sleep, and reproduction fall under this category. Once those are satisfied, we move on to safety, love & belonging, esteem, and finally, fulfillment.
Our sexual needs fall into two of these categories. The drive for sex comes up first as one of our physiological needs, just like eating and drinking. It's no coincidence that sex comes up again in the category of love and belonging since it's often part of establishing deep connections in intimate relationships. Because of this, our unconscious drive for sex is even stronger.
Since these human drives are at the core of our being, we can physically feel their presence. Our bodies alert us to unmet needs, which motivate us to act. For example, we feel thirsty when our body needs water and hungry when our body needs food.
Through operant conditioning, our brain shapes our behaviors by rewarding and punishing us. We reward behavior that satisfies our needs and then we repeat it. When we experience a punishment or negative consequence for a behavior that doesn't fulfill our needs, we're less likely to repeat it.
For example, drinking water relieves thirst and makes us feel more refreshed, but drinking soured milk makes us sick. So the next time we're thirsty, we are much more likely to pick up a water bottle and throw out the soured milk.
Our natural urge for sex is satisfied through porn. Porn fulfills sexual needs in a way that's easy and straightforward, while also playing on our brain's love of variety and novelty. The internet makes pornography extremely accessible. It's easier to watch porn than to find a partner. The more often porn is used to satisfy a sexual need, the more likely we are to keep doing it.
Over time, porn can become more satisfying than physical sexual contact. This sets the stage for all sorts of problems. Having difficulties becoming aroused by a partner can lead to performance anxiety, insecurity, and intimacy problems. It can also contribute to general relationship conflict, social isolation, emotional numbness and disconnection.
Treatment
Therapy can help with these issues by:
Providing psychoeducational information about what's happening in the brain and body, so you can better understand what you're experiencing.
Sharing concrete tools and strategies for rewiring your brain.
Offering supportive counseling and compassionate accountability throughout this process.
Cause # 2 | escapism
Some people use porn as a way to emotionally escape the daily stressors of their world. As a way to cope with unwanted realities, we detach ourselves from the current unwanted reality and retreat into a fantasy world of safety and comfort. Emotional escapism is a coping mechanism in which we remain physically present but mentally checked out.
Escapism can motivate pornography consumption in these ways:
Using porn to relieve stress.
Using porn to deal with boredom.
Using porn to distract yourself from your problems.
Using porn to procrastinate.
Life is stressful, so we all need coping strategies to get through it. When used positively and with intention, escapism works well. Distractions at the right time can provide temporary relief. Ideally, these distraction activities will soothe us and be a healthy part of our self-care. For example, reading, creative outlets, exercise, meditation, cooking and gardening.
Escapism only becomes a problem if we do it too much or if we ignore reality completely. Life gets more stressful the longer we avoid our real world responsibilities, so the need to escape grows stronger. It's frustrating to get stuck in this feedback loop and it can cause serious damage over time.
Treatment
If escapism is a part of what drives your relationship with porn, then you may benefit from therapy in the following ways:
Gaining insight into the stressors you are running from, while getting to the root of why they overwhelm you so much.
Learning to address rather than avoid facing these issues, so you can stop hiding and start living.
Building your distress tolerance so uncomfortable emotions become more manageable.
Developing healthier and more effective coping skills.
Cause # 3 | psychological conditions
Psychological issues can contribute to the development of a porn addiction. Having unresolved emotional issues can cause us to turn to porn as a way to cope or escape problems. Additionally, certain personality traits (e.g. impulsivity and sensation-seeking), and early life experiences (e.g. exposure to sexually explicit material as a young child) may also play a role in the development of a porn addiction.
Mental health disorders
Porn addiction is associated with a number of mental health disorders, including anxiety, depression, and impulse control disorders. It also comes up with other types of addiction, such as substance use disorders and compulsive behaviors. Life stressors that can contribute to psychological distress, such as relationship problems and social isolation, may also lead to excessive porn use.
There is some evidence to suggest that a history of trauma may be associated with an increased risk of developing a porn addiction. Trauma can include a wide range of experiences such as physical, emotional or sexual abuse, neglect, or exposure to violence. Individuals who have experienced trauma may turn to activities such as watching porn as a way to cope with the emotional pain and distress caused by the trauma. However, it's worth noting that more research is needed to establish a causal relationship between trauma and porn addiction and other factors may also play a role.
Personality traits
Research on the personality traits associated with porn addiction is limited. Studies suggest that certain personality characteristics make some people more likely to develop a problem with porn. These may include:
Impulsivity: People that are more impulsive or thrill-seeking may have a more difficult time resisting the urge to view pornographic material, even when they know it's causing problems in their life.
Narcissistic traits: Research suggests a connection between a narcissistic personality and excessive internet porn consumption. Traits such as self-centeredness, entitlement, and a perception that relationships are transactional in nature, may increase one's risk of developing a problem with porn.
Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may turn to porn as a way to cope with feelings of inadequacy or to boost their self-worth.
Emptiness: People who feel lonely, empty inside, or socially disconnected from others may turn to porn as a way to fill the emotional void in their life.
It's worth noting that these personality traits are not unique to porn addiction. These characteristics have also been linked to other addictive and compulsive behaviors, as well as a variety of other problems. Also, not everyone with these traits will develop a problem with porn.
Early life experiences
Early life experiences can play a role in the development of a porn addiction. Some of these experiences may include:
Trauma: Exposure to traumatic events, such as physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, or exposure to violence, can lead to emotional pain and distress that may make a person more susceptible to developing addictive behaviors, including porn addiction.
Stressful life events: Exposure to stressful life events, such as the loss of a loved one or a difficult family dynamic, can also make a person more vulnerable to developing a porn addiction.
Lack of parental supervision or monitoring: Children and adolescents who have little or no parental supervision or monitoring may be more likely to come across pornographic material and may be more likely to develop a problem with it later on.
Early exposure to pornography: Children and adolescents who are exposed to pornography at a young age may be more likely to develop a porn addiction as they grow older.
It's worth noting that these early life experiences are not the only factor that can lead to the development of a porn addiction. Other factors such as personality, cognitive or emotional factors, or exposure to other types of addiction can also play a role. Additionally, a person's risk of developing a porn addiction will depend on the combination and severity of these experiences.
Treatment
If psychological issues are contributing to your porn addiction, then therapy may help by:
Treating the underlying mental health condition, such as depression or anxiety.
Providing more intensive psychotherapy targeting certain unhelpful personality characteristics or adaptations.
Safely processing troubling early life experiences.
How is porn addiction treated in therapy?
Reaching out for support can be tough. A lot of people who struggle with porn addiction also struggle with shame, which makes asking for help even more difficult. Exploring therapy as an option is one way of taking care of yourself. However, a prior bad experience with therapy can make it hard to trust the process.
What is therapy?
Therapy is a safe place where psychological, emotional, and behavioral issues can be treated. In therapy, one person discloses their vulnerabilities to a trusted professional as part of improving their mental health and emotional well-being.
For those of us with trust issues, it's a tough ask. With that in mind, we try to make the therapeutic environment as welcoming and comfortable as possible. We encourage you to ask questions, appreciate your feedback, and respect your skepticism.
What to expect in therapy when treating a porn addiction
Since therapy is so individualized, there's no official rubric or clear outline. Treatment varies from person to person. What works for one person may not work for another. What one person considers a problem, another person may not. Natural disposition, biology, childhood, family dynamics, culture, and relationships are just a few of the many different variables to consider.
We respect your unique life experiences, and want to get to know you as a whole person. We will ask questions to better understand who you are, what you value, and how you see the world. We may ask about your current life stressors, sources of support, as well as your dreams and goals.
We’ll may ask about your relationship with pornography and the circumstances that led you to seek out therapy. As we unpack the porn addiction, we may ask you about your history, habits, and any past experiences with treatment. We may also inquire about your current porn habits, and the ways in which porn has helped and hurt you. This helps us see the whole picture. It allows us to pick up on any potential themes or patterns, which are critical elements for guiding effective treatment.
Throughout the process we’ll encourage you to reflect on your motivations, and explore any stuck points. You may gain insight into your personal behavior patterns by talking things over, becoming more aware of yourself, and monitoring your habits. Through motivational interviewing, we’ll guide you through navigating the ups and downs that come with making sustainable life changes.
With time, you may find that you have more control over your decisions than you realize. Watching porn doesn't just happen, and relapses don't come out of nowhere. But if you don't know what to look for, it can certainly feel that way. Therapy can help you spot your triggers, vulnerability factors, and early warning signs.
What is the goal of therapy when treating porn addiction?
Our goal is to help you achieve your goal. Part of this typically involves teaching you practical strategies to break free from your cycle. However, there will also be skills you'll be developing and strengthening as you progress throughout the therapeutic process. The skills of self-expression, trust-building, confidence, and outlook can come to you gradually and without you realizing it.
Depending on your personal preferences, we may also explore any deeper underlying issues that might be contributing to your distress. In this, we’ll explore the unconscious drives, conflicts and memories that may influence your behaviors. By getting to the root of what's driving your porn addiction, we can figure out what exactly is keeping you stuck, and target treatment around working through that specific issue.
Relevant Blog Posts
-
Breaking Free from Porn Addiction, Part 1
-
Breaking Free from Porn Addiction, Part 2
-
8 Signs of Pornography Addiction